I wonder what's the reason why people just done learn from the living past experiences of their parents lives. No offence or anything but dont they want to walk out of it? Like have a better life compared to their parents since they have lived through it? This is exactly why people live in VICIOUS cycle of poverty huh. Like since my parents have lived like that, its okay for me to live my life like this too. Seriously, i think in that case all the education u have received have been wasted. Since the fact of education is supposed t widen your knowledge and open your minds hence allowing you to improve on yourselves. Isn't it?

I know for a fact that i won't want to life like my parents. I want a better life, for them, for myself.

i look back along the past year. and i dont like what i see. be it my actions, behavior or what so ever. because that isnt who i wanted to be.

this is killing my already deprived childhood.

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You An Easy Girl?

the day i pour my sorrows out on my blog. will be the day. everyone will know me well. but that day will never come. cause not everyone is my bestfriend.

theres a thousand and one things i wanna spill.

it wasnt your fault the other night when i cried after we quarrelled. its just that i have been holding the tears back for far too long. and i guess. i just couldnt take it anymore. and im totally sorry for being such a jerk.

& guess what. im totally not cut out to work at ritz.

i realized i've been living in my own world for 17 years. i have not stopped or bothered to stop and care for anyone around me as much as i should have. never. i have been such a self-centered person.

i just realized today that many people around me has problems and difficulties that they face. and in which, if i were in their shoes, i would want someone to offer a helping hand or just listen and let me unload. so, since i have realized, i have decided to help as much as i can. or i would be very much of an asshole wouldn't i?


today's training was horrible. i feel that im getting slower and slower. i aint fit enough. that is a fact. but besides that. i think it was alright. mr chua blew his top at us at the end of the training. in my opinion, its the accumulation of all the little little stuff that totally weighed down today, and today was the limit of his patience? well. we should really be more disciplined.

actually, i have more to say. but yeah. i think that will be all since i cant restrict the viewers to this post.


have a fun week ahead! and think from someone else's viewpoint for a change.

how true is maslow's hierarchy of needs?

in my opinion, very.
guess what. the more we have, the more we want. it just doesnt stop.





Maslow's hierarchy of needs is often depicted as a pyramid consisting of five levels: the four lower levels are grouped together as deficiency needs associated with physiological needs, while the top level is termed growth needs associated with psychological needs. Deficiency needs must be met first. Once these are met, seeking to satisfy growth needs drives personal growth. The higher needs in this hierarchy only come into focus when the lower needs in the pyramid are satisfied. Once an individual has moved upwards to the next level, needs in the lower level will no longer be prioritized. However, if a lower set of needs is no longer being met, the individual will temporarily re-prioritize those needs by focusing attention on the unfulfilled needs. The individual never regresses from one level to a lower one, however. An example of this fact may be a businessman at the esteem level who is diagnosed with cancer. He will spend a great deal of time concentrating on his health (Physiological needs) but would still value his work performance (esteem needs) and is likely to return to work during periods of remission.

my father says im overly materialistic. well. insisted that is being practical. anyway. i think he has agreed to buy me itouch for christmas. well thats what i think. cause he didnt say no.


food for thought.
heres what happens to you when you receive bad news.

1. anger
2. resentment/ denial
3. acceptance
4. hope for the better

something like that i cant remb entirely.

its frustrating to be able to realize and spot the problem and yet not be able to do something about it. its hard to just sit still and accept the fact that there is no solution.

i love my daddy!

from my point of view, life seems to be terribly unfair towards me. well i wont deny that everyone has their fair share of problems. but mine just seem to be weighing down on me. its like a burden that i am lugging around. and now its so heavy that i even find it difficult to take another step further. maybe its due to the fact that i keeping running away from problems. so they are all accumulating up, suffocating me. every thing is just so unfair. everything.

why do i have to face obstacles that no one else have to? why must i take a bumpy path instead of a smooth one. why. its really taking a toll on me. i rather just have a normal life. i rather be poor and happy. i would give up everything just to be happy. i would.

June, i miss you. i have so much to tell you!

sometimes i will ask myself. why does God put me, anyone through all these torments and sufferings. when i know the answer myself. cause God is preparing us for something bigger. he wants to test if we are up for it. yadayadayada. i know its kinda rude. but have he ever wondered that. i dont want to be put through all these. i want my peaceful life. i rather it be smooth sailing and plain. i rather not be able to experience joy because i dont experience pain.

because life is never fair. because you wont be able to taste joy without pain. really. tell that to the people that are suffering. they wont find it that amusing.

because life and relationships are so fragile and unpredictable. we should all stop whining and start showing appreciation for all we have. cause maybe then, we will not have regrets.

i have never liked living.

i need a new blogskin!

i dont know what to say.

yay! today is promotional exercise day! which means i do not have to suffer the torment of being in this omg am i going to retain or am i going to promote thing. but i aint sure if i want it this way. do i?

i hate pw. thank god its coming to an end. phew. i hate reading and reading and reading my presentation over and over again! argggggg.

and boyfriend, i thought u were so nice to me la. in the end. haiya. u are such a disappointment. asshole! haha. (fyi: its just a form of address.)

just say it man, im so screwed.

if i get promoted. wait. when im promoted,

i will i promise, i would mug like hell.

watch out u bloody muggers, im coming to join u all. HAHA.

that is if i get promoted. ya.

there is no conditional promotion. but elvis said that there is moderation!

should i keep my hopes high?


anyway. guess what. im so going to get a psp/ that blue thing that jiawei has. when i have the cash. i just spent like 140 bucks yesterday la. omg.

oh and we finally cleaned up ssc room. ironically, it was jiawei whom found the room too dirty for humans to be in. and he even lifted the sofa to check underneath (he was the one whom wanted to like kick the stuff underneath the sofa the last ime when he offered t help me clean up.). lol. i think its way cleaner now.

and yes! we have water prac tomorrow!

oh and kwek wenjie. u caused me to be late for morning training today!i missed two bus you know! hmm. u owe me lunch?

a conversation between my dad and i.

dad: so do u save?
me: hmmm. no?

dad: what do u spend your money on?
me: erhs.... (how do u expect me to tell me, um i cab average 4 times a week to school.)

dad: you dont get a small sum of money you know.
me: huh....

dad: i've decided. you should not get so much money at your age, i shall give u less.
me: sobsss........

my dad cut my allowance by 30 bucks can. as quoted from xuekai. how am i ever going to survive? im am not going to cab ever again, unless you know emergencies like exams. and im dinning at foodcourt and hawker centers from next week onwards.





i have no idea how to check the bloody after promos timetable.
i hate technology!

oh btw, i just sub passed everything like overall. equals retain. ahhh. as in i didnt fail promos, but when combined with like mid years and faculty test which i totall screwed it up, obviously i um, fail la. i want to scream!

they shouldnt even call it sub pass. call it fail man.



i need alcohol, baileys maybe?
& i am so looking forward to the 645 training tomorrow. so looking.

balconys' had a nice atmosphere and really cute waiters.

we should go there more often.





zombie sucked. tasted like cough medicine.

the air i breathe in taste sweeter.

the world seems like a more pleasant place.

its the calm before the storm.

disclaimer: this post refers to no one in particular. but if u think im refering to you, then isnt it time to do something about it?

hello elites.
so what if u scored like 250plus for PSLE, gotten like a few stars in your cert and gotten in a better secondary school. hello. wake up call. we got into the same jc didnt we?
so dont give me the im better than u attitude. cause reality check. you are not. we happen to be in the same school. so academic wise. hah. we are in the same league. and comparing that u had a better environment with more resources and opportunitites (you know cause our government is totally bias). and we did like equally well. it only leads me to one conclusion. either im getting smarter or you are getting dumber. so what do u think now, elite?

oh and if you think u deserve to be in the better school, scram. u had a choice and u put TPJC down. so hey. stop whining. make the best out of things!

its uncanny.
is it just plain innocent coincidence.

or we are just too similar?

ask me to deduce the shape of compounds.

ask me why the first ionisation energies down the group is decreasing.

ask me the reagents and steps for organic reactions.

ask me about thermo chem.

ask me about bondings.

ask me about ideal gases.

why dont you? i know all these.

i did the entire fucking yellow chem assessment book for goodness sake.

and i still dont know how to do the bloody promo paper.

i just want to curl up and cry.

as i walked into the hall. i felt as though i was walking into a bed of thorns, where im bound to stumble and fall, then cry.

and i really did.

when i finished the paper, all i wanted to do is to curse and swear.

i can only pray for the best now.

what if.

i think im about to faint.

media questions are not easy. media questions are not easy. media questions are not easy. media questions are not easy. media questions are not easy. media questions are not easy.

this was how i got through my gp paper. God bless me.

there's alot on my mind now.

but i cant seem to place them properly.

when i can, i shall blog then.

my heart aches. it never healed.

yesterday marked the start of promos. hm.

never trust guys to clean up.
here's the story.

sebby kicked the ball at my drink, honey milk tea to be exact, and it spilt. guess what. he didnt clean up! so, being the nice person as i am, i decided to clean it up. and mr nice guy jiawei offered to clean the mess on the floor up. i guess he saw how reluctant i was. okay anyway. so after he cleaned up right. i sorta like told him that, hey u know its still kinda dirty. and u know what he did, he kicked the rest of the stuff under the sofa and the table of the ssc room. omg.

reflection time.

never trust a guy to clean up!



im still going to be j1 next year i guess. hm.

i've decided on this instead. cause its alot cheaper. hm.

my new love.
cost a alot.

hm.

saya lemak! makan lagi jagi babi. aku benci carbs. rahhhh.

learning malay was fun! shall take it up after promos!

:]:]

crumbling under the pressure.

i think im getting so stressed, im starting to fall apart.

as i look back.
there are many things that i could have done better or could have avoided. i dont deny that sometimes i wish i hadnt done it or wished i did that. hm. but i wouldnt regret my choices, once i have made them. i wont. no matter what. i would still make the same earth shattering decisions. yes.

im so sick. im so sick of staring at math questions and fretting over them. im so sick of crying just because im stumped over a math/ chem/ bio/ econs question. while running is a good subsitute for cutting yourself in the room at night, its not effective enough.

i dont know. i dont care. im blabbering. you can choose not to read. i wouldnt hate you for that.

i look so horrible in all the pictures amanda sent me. im not going to put any on friendster/ blogger.

eekkyys.

i am seriously growing fat. as in i look fat in the photos. rraahhh. okay. its okay. at least i dont look black. hm.

ah. im fat fat fat. im fat.

i pray for the day, i wake up, smile and not dread school.

i pray for the day, where my hard work would pay off. where i will stop failing. please. i want to pass promos.

i pray for the day, where i follow my heart and not my head.

i pray for the day, where i will stop crying myself to sleep.

i pray, i pray for that day to be here.

you know.

when i dont scream shout yell back. it doesnt mean i like it. when i keep quiet about the way you treat me, doesnt mean you can continue treating me like that. when i dont complain, get angry. it doesnt mean im not hurt by your actions. im more upset than angry.

i aint sure if you are treating me as a friend or some spare tyre which i feel like one.

but im sure i deserve better than this.

im not sure why you treat me that way, but im not letting myself to suffer your torment anymore. you are supposed to be my friend. good friend.

i just want to be happy.

you give me one more reason to leave. because it affects me.

i dno. i want to wake up, smile and say yeah. theres school today.

its so easy to tell when your menses is coming.

i dont regret joining canoe. but i cant help but think of the things i could have been part of. or would still be doing if i wasnt in canoe. like maybemaybe. i could go for the ocip trip in laos. or still be dancing. maybe my grades wouldnt have suffered that badly. constant fights and arguements with my parents could be avoided. i could meet up with cass, qian, june, marc, carina and other people more often. its just that sometimes i question myself. is it worth it? would my sacrifices pay off? maybe not. but since i have already given up so much. a little more wont make the difference will it? or since i have already given up so much its time i put an end to it?

hm. great. now i have a question to ponder for the week.

anw. i spent my hk trip doing induction in the hotel cause of a typhoon which i was dying to witness but didnt. and the other two days was raining. how lucky i didnt spend a single cent.

having eye infection really stinks.

i have to continuously wipe of those ugly discharge. my eyes can open properly and it has strunk to a quater of my right eye. like RRAAAHHHHHH.

i am totally pissed off cause i have to skip chem fact test yesterday to go see a doctor. i totally studied like way so hard for this test and i had to miss it. as in i know i was going to pass that test!! okay. i know this sounds totally wierd coming from me. but. ya. i really wanted to take the test. and now im stucked at home. and its like the perfect timing for me to get the infection. like im so going to hong kong tomorrow. raaahh. its so wtf right.

okay. im going back to sleep. its actually hard to open my eyes properly.

was that a tinge of jealous i felt just now?
maybe not.

omg.
i miss cassandra loads. like totally. i totally miss her sitting beside me in class and irritating me by tapping her fingers or her feet cause she is so bored. raahhh. oh wells.

chui waiyin. i will think twice before running with you at night again.
1. its damn scary.
2. when u pick up speed, i dare not lag too far behind BECAUSE ITS SCARY.
3. u torture me.
but i clocked 2 km today already! yippy. 6km left this week!

OKAY. IM GG BACK TO DO ECONS ESSAY. yikes!

something i saw today got me thinking.

i was a the interchange today, waiting for the bus to my gran's. there i saw a middle aged woman looking at her newly bought pair of faux diamond ear rings. then, i thought to myself. will i be contented if i were her? or would i want more than just that? if a girl like me, at my age. thinks that, no that is not enough. where's the quality in life like this? then. i dont know what. neither am i fit to coment on others lives. but i know, i wont want to live like that.

am i to be blamed for being so materialistic? i dont know.

my next question was. how am i go about achiving the life that i want? a life in comfort and luxury? yes, marry a rich man. but where will i put my pride, spending someone else's money? no. i wont want that. i wont want to be dependent on someone else. like no. so that leaves me with the only route, that is to study hard, get a place in uni, then find a high paying job. right, end of story.

but what if. what if. i dont achive what i set out to do? i wont be able to give my parents the kind of life they have given me. the best. the best of their mights. making sure that i have everything other kids have and sometimes even better. i would want to give them the life they have given me, or even better. but what if things dont go out the way i want them to? they will have to suffer with me throught out their old age wont they? having wasted all their resources on me, when they could have saved for old age. how, then?

so its finally over. ** a huge sigh of relief.

well we are national 6th. one point away from nationals top 4 tho. and we so rock. with elvis and suzhen coming in 2nd. beating a nj boat. like wa!!!! this shows that. yes we all can do it. YEPP YEPP WE CAN!

this isnt the end tho. it marks a new beginning for us. we will have to train harder, run faster and paddle more. yes. we will and we will beat the rest. yepp.
WATCH TPJC CANOEING TEAM RISE!

&
yesterday was like a really moody day for me. totally pms-ing. i dno. i felt like i was treated like. oh wells i dno. yes. i think its because i was still brooding over the fact that. hey. i could have gotten into finals or put up a tougher fight. but i didnt. oh wells. its done. so yarh. im totally over it now. like totally. SERIOUSLY.

anyway. wednesday ended with a special treat.
COACH DECIDED TO LET US TRY ANY BOAT WE WANTED.
and guess what. i immediately went to grab my raptor. i miss it. like miss miss it. SERIOUSLY. haha. tho it still gives me hideous blueback marks on my thighs.
and i finally gotten to try the c boats. hmm. if the raptor was my first love, the c boat is my true love. HAHA. its super duper fun. and i think im quite zai. at least i got to drift out of the pontoon before i jump off. HAHA. my love. i hope to get on it soon again, keeping my fingers crossed**.
the senior guys used the k4. it was certainly wierd to see guys using the k4 instead of girls. i have to admit tho. they are good. well. maybe. i will get to do k4? haha. i dno. i. i. i think i would want to continue with my k1 1000 tho. come back as a stronger opponent next year. yepp. oh wells. whatever. i will come back as a stronger opponent in which ever event. i will. i will.

wait and see.

i could have. i seriously could.

i dont know. omg. i capped when i was rowing up to the thousand mark. and that is the WORSE thing to do just before your race. like WORSE WORSE. i was crying all the way up and down the race. and i stoned. i STONED. i didnt start moving till i saw. HEY. THE OTHER BOATS ARE MOVING. omg. seriously. how dumb can i get.
and i cried somemore when i got onshore.

OH WELLS.

i realised im really lucky to be in tpjc. and to hell with mjc and cjc. i like tpjc better. thank god my appeal didnt get through. i have really nice seniors.

thank you gifford.
you are deep. more than i thought what u were. thank you for showing me how lucky i am. thank you for consoling me. thank you for making me laugh. thank you.
thank you kiwi.
thank you for making my days. thank you for ct papers. thank you for teaching me math. thank you for being my punching bag. :)
thanks elvis.
thanks for encouraging me. i dont think i would have made it this far without your encouragement or without you pushing me.
thank you denise and weimin for teaching me bio. without your help, i wouldnt even have that 20 over percent.
i think what im trying to say is. thanks for everything. and im really lucky. i would seriously miss the seniors, all the seniors then they are gone. the team wouldnt be the same without you all.

omg. omg omg omg omg omg omg.
NATIONALS IS TMR.

WHAT IF.
I CAP?
I COME IN LAST.
I DONT EVEN FINISH THE RACE?
I FORGET TO REPORT?

what if?

tell me i wont. tell me i will make it to the finals. tell me. tell me i can. and that i will finish the race. tell me.

I WILL!!!



&
i saw him today, it doesnt make me feel any better. but much worse.

i need help. i think im suffering from some menal condition.
GOD. SAVE ME.

i realised i have nothing much to say.

oh wells. my birthday is coming this sat.
PRESENT DEARIES. (esp. u, june tan!)

haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNNIE DEAR! hello best friend you owe me my birthday present for 2 years already. but im nice. so i will still buy you one.

HAHA.

kiwi says i have no life cause i only blog about canoe training. ahhh. so i should talk about something else!

I REALISE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. OMG.

okay. i do have no life.

im going to stop capping soon. i want to join the rest at interval training and and bursting!!! i want i want.

the raptor is my new baby.
muderous raptor.

i was a contented k2 rower. then POOF* all of a sudden i become a fustrated, unstable, cap-able k1 rower.

today's run sucked. it wasnt my best. i couldnt pick up speed at all. everytime i tried to pick up, all my muscles screamed at me to stop and slow down.

it must be the major monday blues. tuesday should be much better. :]

YIPPY! SEE ME OUT PADDLE THE NJC K1 ROWERS!
im still in lala land.

was really uoset in the first part of the training. like i kept capping.

ROAR!

but. huijun brightened my day!
YIPPY.

its a lousy day.

i cant seem to sit straight on a canoe. and its getting to me. like argg. ive been rowing for quite some time now. why. is it still like that?!? no. i must find out whats wrong. and i will!

and guess what. i actually passed maths facutly test. the only thing to brighten my day.

oh wells. i will just have to try harder.

i havent been blogging like in years.

i miss dancing. like miss miss. im trying cresta tmr. i hope it will turn out well since its the only class that doesnt clash with trg. wish me luck!!

i guess im liking school more and more each day.

well. so the problem obviously lies in me in the beginning. oh wells.

the only thing now is that i must start studying. yes yes. i will. and i will ace the mid years. then u will see jessie choo as the top scorer. YIPPY. I MUST BE DREAMING.

i will train harder. and stop capping.

I ALWAYS MAKE THE WRONG CHOICES.

WHY.

i wake up with reluctance.
i take years to put on my uniform.
each step i take from home grows heavier.
why.

IM WEARING A BAD OVER MY HEAD TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

IM SUPER EMBARSSED.

MONDAY BLUES!

EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE HAVING LOADS OF FUN. CAUSE THEY ARE IN POLY. OMG. JESSIE. JESSIE. YOU ARE LIKE THE ONLY ONE IN JC.

I SEEM TO BE IN LOVE IN CAPS TODAY.

IM DESIGNING VIOLET'S RUNWAY OUTFIT. YAY. I HOPE WE WIN.

ON THE OTHER HAND. TPJC. IS FUN TOO. WAY FUN.

SEE IM ALRIGHT ALREADY. NOT SO EMO.

IM MAD. DONT WORRY ABOUT ME.

I SO GOT TO CUT MYSELF AWAY AND STOP READING HIS FREAKING EMO BLOG.

IM SO RAMDOM.

ALRIGHT. TUESDAYS ARE GOING TO BE MY RANDOM DAYS THEN.

FIRE DRILL WAS. HAHA. HILARIOUS. I MUST GET THE CLIP AND FEATURE IT ON MY BLOG.

THERE IS A MAJOR BIO TEST ON THURSDAY. ITS CALLED FACULTY TEST. I SO GOT TO GO STUDY. BUT I HATE MUGGING.

SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MY PATHETIC BORING LIFE.

ANS I MISS YOU ALL.

school's been such a dread. so stressful, my lipids tutorial was BADLY DONE. and i really did it properly la. OMG. im so dead.

ballet exam pics!



































ah! i had fun today. with qian and cass. we are like the dynamic trio at ikea!


















\

i felt as though i was out of touch with this world when my com died.

so much have been going on. i just dont know where to begin.

im so sure im going to just pass my ballet exam. SO SURE. LIKE GET 40 MARKS JUST NICE. OR EVEN FAIL!!! oh wells. its all over.

school sucks. im so bloody stressed. i feel like im fu*king retarded or something. wait. i think i am. someone save me. PLEASE.

i like canoe tho. its fun.

and im gg to miss my ballet class. i love you all!!!!

school's getting much better. although its unbearable without carina, sarah, huiyi and yewjia. i miss you guys!

canoeing is fun. i suggest everyone should join canoeing!!!

im adapting.

thank god.

i looked like a retainee. hardly any other j1 was in full uniform.

school was fun. better than expected. i was fully prepared to be some loner. met some fun people like kamilla and marin, etc. (im so sorry if i forgotten your name!)

its sorta depressing that there are only like five guys in the class. its well its an improvement from my sec4 class tho.

oh wells. i hope everything will be better tomorrow!

till then, have fun!

im totally super hyper today. oh wells.



i can never catch lizzy online. so i "stole" the sentosa pictures from her blog! smart move. :]:]

i think the last time i went to sentosa was in 2005? with june, carol, marc, keith, etc.
OR
was it the exco outing where i watched the guys played volleyball. (i totally wasnt included in the game! thanks man.)
i cant remember. oh no.

im basically "baked" from all the tanning i got from sentosa. plus the canoeing training i had the day before. that hongwee even thought i was malay! ah! what an ass. oh wells. the photos!

thats ZION.



oh wells. i have to look good in every picture.



monkeys at sentosa.



us. cam whoring with the sentosa sign. some people missing tho.





adi and sarilla?



lizzy and i?



ZION LIZZY AND I. (lizzy and i had a hard time getting off the bloody sentosa sign.)



unglam shots of me. :[:[






i will miss them!



LASTLY I HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN!

STUPID BLOGSPOT!

sentosa trip was fun. im still waiting for lizzy to send me the pics tho.

i shall blog about the zoo trip then. HAHA.

on the way to the zoo.






walking through the massive forest!!








some ramdom animals.
















some retarded moments.









more retarded moments.







some interesting signs. if u can read them.






and. i actually saw woody at the zoo too!