We cannot blame anyone for who we eventually turn out to be. Not our family or our peers, only ourselves. Yes, I agree that some do grow up, or grew up rather in dysfunctional families or under bad influences. But, ultimately everyone matures and would be able to tell the difference between right and wrong. Thus, we make informed choices, fully aware of the consequences that are in stored for us when we take that wrong step. This I think society ( By this I refer to television or any form of media for that matter, has made it very clear to us. I think society's guidelines are more or less in tune with what most religions preach. Well, at the very least in Singapore) has made it very clear to us. Thus, we are well aware of how we should behave.

However, that having said, I also believe that we learn from examples. Especially from people we respect and look up to. And at times, it may be disappointing to realize that the people that we actually depend on to be our role models are not that fabulous. Like all humans, they make mistakes. Then, like what I said in the previous paragraph, it is up to us to make our choices, to follow in the same footsteps or to create our own path. We should have the courage to do whatever is right, morally and socially so, and not to follow blindly onto the wrong path. But, more often than not, we stay in our comfort zone, unwilling to move an inch to do what needs to be done. Because, we have an example for reference when we follow onto the same path, instead of creating our own, having witnessed it for ourselves from our so called role models. Harming no one else, but ourselves.

It is a vicious cycle really. What these people need is someone to be there, offering them support when they try to steer themselves in the correct direction. Someone to say, " Yes, I know. I understand. You cannot give up now. You can do it." Just someone to believe in them.

Trust me. I would know. I know how it feels like to realize, all of a sudden, your role model is not what you expect them to be. I know how it feels like to be all lost and not knowing who you can follow. I know how it feels like to need to talk to someone, have them believe in you, trust you. I also know how it feels like to distract yourself to run away from facing your problems. I do. I knew it since I was seven. Fortunately, I did not only have someone, I had plenty who went out of their way to try and help me. Unfortunately, I was too much a proud person to accept help or too broken to allow someone to help me, that I still do not know. But thankfully, I have myself to depend on. Me, a person that I can always count on.

Here is something for you to chew on.
1. Are you following some one's footsteps blindly?
2. Are you portraying the right kind of example for thoes that look up to you?
3. Are you reaching out to thoes dear to you that need your faith in them?

I'm upset. I really am.

I cannot help but to feel that I am freaking dumb or wsome sort. I mean. isnt that the reason why i didnt mak it in to loacl unis? that i am not good enough. thats what they tell me on my rejection letter. Competition is tough, it is as good as, you are not good enough for us. even if others may say that oh, they take other stuff into consideration, it just means that, as a person, i am also not desirable enough for them to accept me. like they dont want me at all, not at all. to the extend that they rather take in people whom fucking failed their GP rather than me.

I cant stand it. i really cannot. i might just stay at home from now on.

'Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till its over
If it takes forever I want you to know..'

-Save you by Simple Plan.


Sometimes, it just sucks when you see someone upset and yet, you remain helpless, clueless as to how you can ease their pain.

I hate it when that happens to me. For that reminds me of what i have yet to accomplish, for the fact that seeing someone upset makes me upset too, and it hurts all the more when the person is someone close to me.

And yet, somehow, i cherish the times when I can offer my shoulder to cry on, for that small act, makes me feel so blessed, so useful.

How do you actually define beauty? Based on something as superficial as looks, or something else with more substance?

Well, here is what I think of beauty. I think the old cliche term, ' Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder' says it all. Sometimes, okay most of the time, I cannot help but just stare at Sam. Like gawk my eyes out looking at him. I admit, he may not be what you would call good looking. But to me. He is beautiful. No one else would be able to carry off the small eyes, geeky specs as well as he can. Does it matter if he has like 6/8 pacs? No. He looks good with one huge family pac. Even his blemishes are a reason why he looks so appealing to me. See, get what I mean by the old cliche saying is spot on, on what I think of beauty?

Anyway, I don't think the saying only applies to like your other halves. It applies to all your friends and family members as well. I mean, think of it this way. Don't all your friends seem imperfectly perfect to you?

For instance, I had just told June her bangs don't really complement her face. But, on second thoughts, she actually looks alright with it. Because she is who she is. She is my friend. No matter what, she still looks perfect. And on top of it, she has the confidence to carry off the bangs. And Cass, well, she is a little on the rounder side. But she is well, perfect to me. She is a huge bundle of joy, literally. Actually, I am not exactly sure if she would look as cute stick thin.

I guess when you have a relationship, any relationship at all. It is important to accept the imperfections of your friends, family, boyfriend, girlfriend as well. ( Well, in my opinion, its these little imperfections that make them so perfect.) Because, if you cannot accept these flaws, you cannot even call yourselves friends. You are nothing more than mere acquaintances.

So, only call yourself my friend if you have tolerated my nonsense (I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with. I'm so sorry for what you all have to go through.) and still love me anyway.

life is full of bittersweet moments, dont you agree?

i mean, think about it. there would surely be a time where something had happened in your life that made you feel happy, but at the same time, you get that nagging feeling inside you that somehow, the moment isnt as perfect as you thought it was.

okay, take for example, you seeing a friend/sibling get a really cool gift(make it something that you really want too, maybe a louwe bag? haha). wont you feel happy for that person? unless you're like some unfeeling, cold hearted person, then yeah, maybe this post wouldnt be for you then. but at the same time as you feel happy for that person, wont you, and be truthful on this, feel a tinge of jealousy at how you didnt get it?

so, you see my point.

i hope this post made sense, cos its already 1130 in the evening, my brain has officially started to go on standby.







written by : sam.

There are two ways where you can react to bad news.

1. Cry as if your world has crashed and burned.

2. Take it in your stride and move on.

I'm done crying.

Or am I?

we are all self-centred. do you realise that? what ever little things you do starts with an i. i want to eat sushi tei for dinner. i want to watch angels and demons. even if sometimes, it isnt as literal as this.

well, i do things, mainly because, thats what i want to do. for instance, i have been volunteering at marine parade family service centre for almost 3/4 months now. the reason i enjoy volunteering and am volunteering is because, i enjoy being there. i feel gratified after each lesson. like oohh i have done some good deed. but see, this is what i realise. i didnt see the need to volunteer because the elderly in marine parade needed a cyber guide. they needed a person to close the gap between them and their children, grandchildren. no i didnt.

yesterday at sam's church, they were talking bout allowing God to lead your life. doing stuff that God wants you to do instead of what you want to do. hm.

i guess what im trying to say is that, if we ( or rather i ) do not put ourselves as the main character of our own lives, maybe we would be able to discover what God wants us to do.

okay, i know. this is highly out of character for me. to blog bout God and stuff.