Many people feel afraid just when they are about to embark on something new, even when they are excited about it before. I know because I'm experiencing it now.

I was looking forward to go to James Cook to do psychology, but after the 2nd day of orientation, I started to get cold feet. I felt unsure of my choice. I mean I was or always have been a science student and for me to change and go do an art subject now, I wasn't sure if I am able to handle it. Moreover, one of the main reason why I applied to James Cook was because it was my safety net. At James Cook, I was able to attain a reputable psychology degree. So, when the thought that I was supposed to go to school on Monday hit me. I was actually quite lost. I wasn't sure if that was what I really wanted.

I spent the most of today with my mum. It was actually really enjoyable. Anyway, it reminded me of why I wanted to do psychology when I was a child. I have always craved for a normal mother-daughter relationship just like anyone else. It may come as a shock, but my mother is actually suffering from mild depression. She is unable to control her emotions or even her actions from time to time. I wanted to or want to understand her better, thats why I want to do psychology.

I was at church today, WITHOUT SAM. The pastor was saying that sometimes when we pray we feel as though we are actually praying to a wall. Nothing happens. Kinda like, your prayers are not answered. But it's not true because God is interested in every detail in our lives no matter how small.

What I am trying to say is that, I believe that God is interested in every mundane detail of our lives. My prayers when I was a child, did not fall on deaf ears, even though no miracle happened and my mum didn't get well. I didn't have a childhood a normal child would have. But now by a series of bad luck (not getting into local unis), I am able to read psychology at James Cook. I would be able to understand my mother better. Aren't my prayers answered now? So, like what your pastors will tell you, God has a reason for allowing things to happen the way they do. Maybe the reason why your prayers are not answered is because the time is not right or maybe God is preparing you for something bigger (auntie jenny always tells me that whenever I encounter any hardship).

So have faith people. And I think Sam is no longer the reason why I am attending church. Maybe I am able to say I want to commit myself entirely to God soon. We shall see.