My brain is so drained. I abhor chemistry. I spent, you know, only two hours on two miserable questions. Yeah.

I've always believed that nothing is impossible as long I put in the effort. But being in a jc, tears apart what I believe. I saw time invested, playtime sacrificed, sleep lost but nothing in return. Maybe, im not working hard in enough. Maybe. But since I have already lost, sacrificed so much, whats a little more?

Happy birthday ivan.

You just reminded me that the bets still on. The only thing that keeps me going. Perrrfect.

Homo sapiens. We are a bunch of highly confused animals. Don't you think so?

I actually have a lot to rant. But my thoughts are so disorganized, it would seem like I'm rumbling. I guess another time, when my brain is not feeling so ecstatic about receiving back prelims papers tomorrow.

Say something nice at my funeral won't you?

I just felt like reposting it.

What makes man relationships so special and difficult is the inability to phantom the minds of the other person. If that is then, is that the exact reason why people have to be sensitive towards one another?

But, if. If the person isn't? Then how? How would you protect yourself then? Although, words do not injure one physically. It can and will do emotional damage.

Thus, I conclude that the only way to prevent yourself from getting hurt is to keep a distance away from whatever and whoever. It might seem like I'm building a fence around myself. Like Troy's impregnable fortress with tall walls that could not be breached.

In time to come, I may regret my choice. And somehow along the way, I may grow lonely and unhappy because I don't share. I may even question myself if its all worth it. And, I might just decide that it is not worth it.

However, the only thing I want is to be carefree and exuberant. Things are, nevertheless never going smoothly. They are only pushing me away from what I desire the most. This makes me ponder over what, I cant exactly pinpoint. Maybe, its time for me to move on?

I can never have any type of relationship with anyone. Simply because, I cannot trust anyone. It is not in my capacity to allow someone in my life fully. Because, I do not want to be hurt. I just want to be independent, to be responsible for my own emotions. I want me there as my backup to be enough. I do not want to need anyone for anything.

Ask not what your friends would do for you, but what you would do for your friends.

I recall saying, 'Given a second chance, I would do things another way, a different way.' How true is that exactly? I have been given second chances before. Take the advancement from JC1 to JC2 for an example. I told myself, if I were to be advanced, I would put in DOUBLE the effort in my studies. And, that did not happen.

Daddy, was giving me a prep talk over dinner. As much as he says, its okay as long you have tried your best, I can tell that he really wishes for me to do well and get into a university. Partly because he wants me to finish something that he has always wanted to achieve but never got to. And because, he wants me to do well, because he is my father.

How guilty can I be? So guilty, that it would be my drive towards acing the A Levels? Time will tell.

Jelly, asked me some questions today that really got me thinking.
How well do I actually know my friends and understand them? Actually, do I even make the effort to? What kind of person am I?
It also reminded me of somethings I never want to recall ever again. Never. I'm actually quite okay to talk about it, but I would not tell you what happened. There are somethings, that I am unable to face with yet. Maybe one day, when I can talk about it openly, I would be a happier person.

My choice. My responsiblity.

To my dearest friend, WenJie: Happy Belated Eighteen!

Its been a while.

Don't you think that life is just like a theater production? A show put up to please one another (people watching, celebrations, etc.), ourselves or perhaps the almighty one above. I was in math tutorial today, when I realised this disappointing reality of life. Looking at Mrs Koh, I felt as though, I was in a play, with Mrs Koh, doing this one lady show. Trying her entire best, to engage us in her act. I don't mean anything mean though.

Why do we prepare to go to school. Why do we sit for exams? Because it would ensure us better roles in future plays? Starring Jessie Choo as the medicine undergraduate. Starring Jessie Choo as the Cardiologist. But, there won't be an end to it will there? Why can't we be contented being seventeen? And stop there? Oh. Hold on. I just turned eighteen. Fantastic. It is not realistic, because, time won't stop. Not for any one for that matter. So I know, that it is not discriminating against me. Thank God.

Given a second chance, i would have done things another way. A different way. But, the problem is that second chances hardly surfaces. Another lesson learnt, do not do anything rash. Think before you act, Jessie.

I am mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. It would have and will help if you were there, like you were before.

i can't open some browser just because im using a mac. it says, please use internet explorer instead. wtfffffff.

screw it man. im going to bed.