I just felt like reposting it.

What makes man relationships so special and difficult is the inability to phantom the minds of the other person. If that is then, is that the exact reason why people have to be sensitive towards one another?

But, if. If the person isn't? Then how? How would you protect yourself then? Although, words do not injure one physically. It can and will do emotional damage.

Thus, I conclude that the only way to prevent yourself from getting hurt is to keep a distance away from whatever and whoever. It might seem like I'm building a fence around myself. Like Troy's impregnable fortress with tall walls that could not be breached.

In time to come, I may regret my choice. And somehow along the way, I may grow lonely and unhappy because I don't share. I may even question myself if its all worth it. And, I might just decide that it is not worth it.

However, the only thing I want is to be carefree and exuberant. Things are, nevertheless never going smoothly. They are only pushing me away from what I desire the most. This makes me ponder over what, I cant exactly pinpoint. Maybe, its time for me to move on?

I can never have any type of relationship with anyone. Simply because, I cannot trust anyone. It is not in my capacity to allow someone in my life fully. Because, I do not want to be hurt. I just want to be independent, to be responsible for my own emotions. I want me there as my backup to be enough. I do not want to need anyone for anything.

Ask not what your friends would do for you, but what you would do for your friends.

I recall saying, 'Given a second chance, I would do things another way, a different way.' How true is that exactly? I have been given second chances before. Take the advancement from JC1 to JC2 for an example. I told myself, if I were to be advanced, I would put in DOUBLE the effort in my studies. And, that did not happen.

Daddy, was giving me a prep talk over dinner. As much as he says, its okay as long you have tried your best, I can tell that he really wishes for me to do well and get into a university. Partly because he wants me to finish something that he has always wanted to achieve but never got to. And because, he wants me to do well, because he is my father.

How guilty can I be? So guilty, that it would be my drive towards acing the A Levels? Time will tell.

Jelly, asked me some questions today that really got me thinking.
How well do I actually know my friends and understand them? Actually, do I even make the effort to? What kind of person am I?
It also reminded me of somethings I never want to recall ever again. Never. I'm actually quite okay to talk about it, but I would not tell you what happened. There are somethings, that I am unable to face with yet. Maybe one day, when I can talk about it openly, I would be a happier person.

My choice. My responsiblity.

To my dearest friend, WenJie: Happy Belated Eighteen!

Its been a while.

Don't you think that life is just like a theater production? A show put up to please one another (people watching, celebrations, etc.), ourselves or perhaps the almighty one above. I was in math tutorial today, when I realised this disappointing reality of life. Looking at Mrs Koh, I felt as though, I was in a play, with Mrs Koh, doing this one lady show. Trying her entire best, to engage us in her act. I don't mean anything mean though.

Why do we prepare to go to school. Why do we sit for exams? Because it would ensure us better roles in future plays? Starring Jessie Choo as the medicine undergraduate. Starring Jessie Choo as the Cardiologist. But, there won't be an end to it will there? Why can't we be contented being seventeen? And stop there? Oh. Hold on. I just turned eighteen. Fantastic. It is not realistic, because, time won't stop. Not for any one for that matter. So I know, that it is not discriminating against me. Thank God.

Given a second chance, i would have done things another way. A different way. But, the problem is that second chances hardly surfaces. Another lesson learnt, do not do anything rash. Think before you act, Jessie.

I am mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. It would have and will help if you were there, like you were before.

i can't open some browser just because im using a mac. it says, please use internet explorer instead. wtfffffff.

screw it man. im going to bed.

its scary how things all end so fast. it seems like just yesterday that i chanced upon the tpjcanoeing poster around school and decided to try out.

it has ended. my canoeing career. all the effort, time have all gone up in smoke. have it?

it just kills me to know that, even though we gave our best. best, we still didnt make it, we still ended up slower than what? srjcanoeing? OMG. that i cannot accept. what the fuck? we are that effing slow?

whatever. its the end. thank God.

im relieved that i dont have to put up with things that i have been putting up with. seriously.

THANK GOD.

I'm feeling pretty emotional today. However, i cannot seem to organise my thoughts well enough to express myself in words. Nevertheless, i shall give it a shot.

We celebrated Mr. Chua's thirty-seven birthday today. The entire senior team was present in full strength. lt is a rare ocassion that everyone would be there to bless us with their presence, because some people would always miraculously vanish right after training.

One. I really enjoyed the feeling of being in a team where we press on and push each other towards a common goal. It is something that i did not exactly experience in chinese dance, or students' council. There was too much politics for my liking. As i soaked into tonight's fun and laughter, questions popped out at the back of my mind. 

How many more gatherings like this are going to happen in the future? Are we even going to be in contact anymore after we graduate? Would we turn into strangers we would not even say Hi to on the streets. Would friendships that we have just go up into smoke?

What exactly does the future have installed for us?

Thats it, I'm not only a loser, I'm also a pessimist.