saya lemak! makan lagi jagi babi. aku benci carbs. rahhhh.

learning malay was fun! shall take it up after promos!

:]:]

crumbling under the pressure.

i think im getting so stressed, im starting to fall apart.

as i look back.
there are many things that i could have done better or could have avoided. i dont deny that sometimes i wish i hadnt done it or wished i did that. hm. but i wouldnt regret my choices, once i have made them. i wont. no matter what. i would still make the same earth shattering decisions. yes.

im so sick. im so sick of staring at math questions and fretting over them. im so sick of crying just because im stumped over a math/ chem/ bio/ econs question. while running is a good subsitute for cutting yourself in the room at night, its not effective enough.

i dont know. i dont care. im blabbering. you can choose not to read. i wouldnt hate you for that.

i look so horrible in all the pictures amanda sent me. im not going to put any on friendster/ blogger.

eekkyys.

i am seriously growing fat. as in i look fat in the photos. rraahhh. okay. its okay. at least i dont look black. hm.

ah. im fat fat fat. im fat.

i pray for the day, i wake up, smile and not dread school.

i pray for the day, where my hard work would pay off. where i will stop failing. please. i want to pass promos.

i pray for the day, where i follow my heart and not my head.

i pray for the day, where i will stop crying myself to sleep.

i pray, i pray for that day to be here.

you know.

when i dont scream shout yell back. it doesnt mean i like it. when i keep quiet about the way you treat me, doesnt mean you can continue treating me like that. when i dont complain, get angry. it doesnt mean im not hurt by your actions. im more upset than angry.

i aint sure if you are treating me as a friend or some spare tyre which i feel like one.

but im sure i deserve better than this.

im not sure why you treat me that way, but im not letting myself to suffer your torment anymore. you are supposed to be my friend. good friend.

i just want to be happy.

you give me one more reason to leave. because it affects me.

i dno. i want to wake up, smile and say yeah. theres school today.

its so easy to tell when your menses is coming.

i dont regret joining canoe. but i cant help but think of the things i could have been part of. or would still be doing if i wasnt in canoe. like maybemaybe. i could go for the ocip trip in laos. or still be dancing. maybe my grades wouldnt have suffered that badly. constant fights and arguements with my parents could be avoided. i could meet up with cass, qian, june, marc, carina and other people more often. its just that sometimes i question myself. is it worth it? would my sacrifices pay off? maybe not. but since i have already given up so much. a little more wont make the difference will it? or since i have already given up so much its time i put an end to it?

hm. great. now i have a question to ponder for the week.

anw. i spent my hk trip doing induction in the hotel cause of a typhoon which i was dying to witness but didnt. and the other two days was raining. how lucky i didnt spend a single cent.