We cannot blame anyone for who we eventually turn out to be. Not our family or our peers, only ourselves. Yes, I agree that some do grow up, or grew up rather in dysfunctional families or under bad influences. But, ultimately everyone matures and would be able to tell the difference between right and wrong. Thus, we make informed choices, fully aware of the consequences that are in stored for us when we take that wrong step. This I think society ( By this I refer to television or any form of media for that matter, has made it very clear to us. I think society's guidelines are more or less in tune with what most religions preach. Well, at the very least in Singapore) has made it very clear to us. Thus, we are well aware of how we should behave.

However, that having said, I also believe that we learn from examples. Especially from people we respect and look up to. And at times, it may be disappointing to realize that the people that we actually depend on to be our role models are not that fabulous. Like all humans, they make mistakes. Then, like what I said in the previous paragraph, it is up to us to make our choices, to follow in the same footsteps or to create our own path. We should have the courage to do whatever is right, morally and socially so, and not to follow blindly onto the wrong path. But, more often than not, we stay in our comfort zone, unwilling to move an inch to do what needs to be done. Because, we have an example for reference when we follow onto the same path, instead of creating our own, having witnessed it for ourselves from our so called role models. Harming no one else, but ourselves.

It is a vicious cycle really. What these people need is someone to be there, offering them support when they try to steer themselves in the correct direction. Someone to say, " Yes, I know. I understand. You cannot give up now. You can do it." Just someone to believe in them.

Trust me. I would know. I know how it feels like to realize, all of a sudden, your role model is not what you expect them to be. I know how it feels like to be all lost and not knowing who you can follow. I know how it feels like to need to talk to someone, have them believe in you, trust you. I also know how it feels like to distract yourself to run away from facing your problems. I do. I knew it since I was seven. Fortunately, I did not only have someone, I had plenty who went out of their way to try and help me. Unfortunately, I was too much a proud person to accept help or too broken to allow someone to help me, that I still do not know. But thankfully, I have myself to depend on. Me, a person that I can always count on.

Here is something for you to chew on.
1. Are you following some one's footsteps blindly?
2. Are you portraying the right kind of example for thoes that look up to you?
3. Are you reaching out to thoes dear to you that need your faith in them?

I'm upset. I really am.

I cannot help but to feel that I am freaking dumb or wsome sort. I mean. isnt that the reason why i didnt mak it in to loacl unis? that i am not good enough. thats what they tell me on my rejection letter. Competition is tough, it is as good as, you are not good enough for us. even if others may say that oh, they take other stuff into consideration, it just means that, as a person, i am also not desirable enough for them to accept me. like they dont want me at all, not at all. to the extend that they rather take in people whom fucking failed their GP rather than me.

I cant stand it. i really cannot. i might just stay at home from now on.