time to time as we recount, we would revisit fond memories and of course, unpleasant ones as well. and as we recount those unpleasant memories, we ( or i at the very least ) would wonder how would life be exactly? if i had not made a certain choice or walked down a certain path. followed closely behind, i would feel the regret over my actions or inaction as so to speak.

but truly, do we actually regret over the things that we have done or failed to do? i mean, if we do regret, then maybe, maybe we would have made amendments for our own actions. to make up for what we have done. to apologise, to do what we should have done ( better late than never ), etc. and the fact that we do not. we leave things as they are, can only mean one thing. we don't regret over our own actions, inaction at all. we can come up with excuses, its been such a long while, that episode is already over, its time to move on. but seriously, we are only deluding ourselves. thus, it only leaves me with 2 conclusions. either a, you don't regret at all, or b, you are living in your own world of lies you have made up of to make yourself feel at ease.

i believe in second chances. because you can always make up for what you have done.

i don't regret, because if i do, i have already done something about it.

life throws you surprises in all kind of wierd ways. dont you agree? tho, you would always end up alive after each and every battle ( i mean that is what that matters right? ), you would be all tattered and chewed up all over. thats just how we grow, isnt it? mature and develop as a strong minded person ( or at least thats where all our goal should be).

am i a strong person, both mentally and physically? Would i be able to handle whatever life throws at me. i dont think so. in fact, i think that i am very much a coward when it comes to like facing problems. i enjoy running away, hiding behind that fake smile that i always wear. and from time to time, i realise that, that can only be a distraction from whatever im facing. when the distraction is gone, i would be all miserable all over again. then, like a vicious cycle, it starts all over again.

what am i going to do bout it now that i know? know that im a coward. nothing. because running from my problems have long ago been a part of my life, in my comfort zone. and it would take a miracle for me to face up to them.

having said so, being a strong person is still my goal.