i pray for the day, i wake up, smile and not dread school.

i pray for the day, where my hard work would pay off. where i will stop failing. please. i want to pass promos.

i pray for the day, where i follow my heart and not my head.

i pray for the day, where i will stop crying myself to sleep.

i pray, i pray for that day to be here.

you know.

when i dont scream shout yell back. it doesnt mean i like it. when i keep quiet about the way you treat me, doesnt mean you can continue treating me like that. when i dont complain, get angry. it doesnt mean im not hurt by your actions. im more upset than angry.

i aint sure if you are treating me as a friend or some spare tyre which i feel like one.

but im sure i deserve better than this.

im not sure why you treat me that way, but im not letting myself to suffer your torment anymore. you are supposed to be my friend. good friend.

i just want to be happy.

you give me one more reason to leave. because it affects me.

i dno. i want to wake up, smile and say yeah. theres school today.

its so easy to tell when your menses is coming.

i dont regret joining canoe. but i cant help but think of the things i could have been part of. or would still be doing if i wasnt in canoe. like maybemaybe. i could go for the ocip trip in laos. or still be dancing. maybe my grades wouldnt have suffered that badly. constant fights and arguements with my parents could be avoided. i could meet up with cass, qian, june, marc, carina and other people more often. its just that sometimes i question myself. is it worth it? would my sacrifices pay off? maybe not. but since i have already given up so much. a little more wont make the difference will it? or since i have already given up so much its time i put an end to it?

hm. great. now i have a question to ponder for the week.

anw. i spent my hk trip doing induction in the hotel cause of a typhoon which i was dying to witness but didnt. and the other two days was raining. how lucky i didnt spend a single cent.

having eye infection really stinks.

i have to continuously wipe of those ugly discharge. my eyes can open properly and it has strunk to a quater of my right eye. like RRAAAHHHHHH.

i am totally pissed off cause i have to skip chem fact test yesterday to go see a doctor. i totally studied like way so hard for this test and i had to miss it. as in i know i was going to pass that test!! okay. i know this sounds totally wierd coming from me. but. ya. i really wanted to take the test. and now im stucked at home. and its like the perfect timing for me to get the infection. like im so going to hong kong tomorrow. raaahh. its so wtf right.

okay. im going back to sleep. its actually hard to open my eyes properly.